Yesterday I auditioned for Orvieto. It was a good experience even though it didn't go very well for me as my mind had a memory lapse on stage for the first piece(The second time this had ever happened to me.) Nerves... it was somewhat awkward... I was a bit nervous than usual. The jury was perfectly nice about it and helped me because they knew the words. Either way it wasn't my best. I knew "Take O Take Those Lips Away" too. I did it for Jury last semester perfectly. It's just one of those things where you have to really go over your pieces again after putting them away. But next time I will be better prepared for next year. I felt like I was prepared, but it happens when we can't control our nerves. They get the best of us sometimes.
After the audition I got to work on my Swedish pieces with someone who knew the language pretty well. I don't have to sing it in Swedish, but I want it to be more authentic and traditional. Nancy was amazed at how well I pick up the diction. It was a great experience and I am excited to sing these two Sibelius pieces. I might put them in my Sr. recital instead of my Junior recital. My Junior recital is next semester instead of this semester. This way I will be better prepared and have all summer to work on the rep. I want to have a recital specifically dedicated to women composers for my Junior recital; although I might have to add an aria or two for the requirements. Not a big deal really. Then for my Senior recital I think I will to do a Music Around the World theme. I just thought about this as I was researching pieces for my Presentation project in Rep. Seminar. Polish, Czech, Hungarian, Spanish, German, Swedish, Lithuanian... There is a Lithuanian piece I would like to do from an opera as a duet with a mezzo that is actually from a Lithuanian opera. If I can get the sheet music, that would be epic!
Nancy also gave me a great idea for the Concerto Competition next year. But one thing at a time for now. I have enough on my plate, but definitely on my to-do list of music to work on.
I've been living in a cloud of doubt this semester. But I think realizing that everyone here has their best interest for me at heart helps and talking to Dr. Owen last week helped put some things into better perspective. I shouldn't let my past define me and I shouldn't let someone's opinion of me effect my performance as a student or a professional singer and musician. I've gotten too far and I guess I am just at that phase of extreme doubt because of past setbacks. Everyone has setbacks. So Luther didn't work out. And really, I have gotten way more performance exposure here and a supportive community of friends. We are all musical, artistic people who wish each other the best in all we do, and that is how it should be.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Questions from a self help book. (Yes, one of those.)
How do you define negative self-talk?
Something that cripples me from achieving my goals and living my life to the fullest.
What factors play the greatest role in causing negative self-talk for you?
Going back to things that happened in the past plays a pretty big role in my negative self-talk; it is as if I am not able to forgive myself of some of my failures sometimes. Especially because of a relationship that went sour that meant the whole world to me. I have not been the same since.
How important is positive self-talk to the body of Christ?
It is extremely important. Negativity kills the soul and positivity awakens the soul. And Jesus himself even mentions this; To be kind to one another. I could use examples from the Bible but this not that type of blog. It is just a reflection to help me get through this funkiness I am feeling.
Why is it important to question negative thoughts?
You will never recover if you don't. We all experience these thoughts from time to time. Some of us are more sensitive than others. I am an extremely sensitive person and find it hard to cope at times. Maybe I have a mental illness. I feel like I have my ups and downs; like I am playing "tug of war" with myself.
What distracts you from your daily Christian walk?
Everything. My home environment. My doubts. My self-pity. I am just an extreme case of negativity sometimes that makes people not want to be around me.
How do you overcome distractions?
I just try to get up every morning and tell myself "Today is a new day." Sometimes getting up for me, is a huge step.
Have you ever taken your eyes off God's promises and start sinking? How did you recover?
All the time... who doesn't? As human beings, we all do this. I recover one day at a time and thank God for another day of hope. That is all we can do sometimes.
What kind of damage can be caused by an uncontrolled tongue?
An uncontrolled tongue may hurt someone you did not mean to. Also, with the age of technology, sometimes an uncontrolled hand and mind can cause serious damage through email or texting. It is helpful to vent sometimes, but also be careful what you send someone. Try to stay positive the best way you can and keep the venting to yourself. This is not an easy thing to do. I know I am a culprit of letting my emotions get the best of me, but I find typing out your anger and then deleting it and sending positive words to someone always helps.
Something that cripples me from achieving my goals and living my life to the fullest.
What factors play the greatest role in causing negative self-talk for you?
Going back to things that happened in the past plays a pretty big role in my negative self-talk; it is as if I am not able to forgive myself of some of my failures sometimes. Especially because of a relationship that went sour that meant the whole world to me. I have not been the same since.
How important is positive self-talk to the body of Christ?
It is extremely important. Negativity kills the soul and positivity awakens the soul. And Jesus himself even mentions this; To be kind to one another. I could use examples from the Bible but this not that type of blog. It is just a reflection to help me get through this funkiness I am feeling.
Why is it important to question negative thoughts?
You will never recover if you don't. We all experience these thoughts from time to time. Some of us are more sensitive than others. I am an extremely sensitive person and find it hard to cope at times. Maybe I have a mental illness. I feel like I have my ups and downs; like I am playing "tug of war" with myself.
What distracts you from your daily Christian walk?
Everything. My home environment. My doubts. My self-pity. I am just an extreme case of negativity sometimes that makes people not want to be around me.
How do you overcome distractions?
I just try to get up every morning and tell myself "Today is a new day." Sometimes getting up for me, is a huge step.
Have you ever taken your eyes off God's promises and start sinking? How did you recover?
All the time... who doesn't? As human beings, we all do this. I recover one day at a time and thank God for another day of hope. That is all we can do sometimes.
What kind of damage can be caused by an uncontrolled tongue?
An uncontrolled tongue may hurt someone you did not mean to. Also, with the age of technology, sometimes an uncontrolled hand and mind can cause serious damage through email or texting. It is helpful to vent sometimes, but also be careful what you send someone. Try to stay positive the best way you can and keep the venting to yourself. This is not an easy thing to do. I know I am a culprit of letting my emotions get the best of me, but I find typing out your anger and then deleting it and sending positive words to someone always helps.
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