However, the only reason I bring it up again is someone went and said I stalked her...and well I know it's bullshit and not sure what she told everyone else but I don't want to give a shit anymore!! I am actually terrified to run into her because I'm not sure how I will emotionally react. I just think I would end up convulsively sobbing from being stabbed in the back by her. There was one time when I was looking into an audition that she was also attending, but then I was saved from not attending due to a dress rehearsal conflict for our choir concert at school. Although, I ran into her husband at a workshop at school and I didn't say anything to him. I gave him a hello with eye contact and then left. What else could I say? I'd rather not say anything unless they initiate the conversation. I'm done with that! But I got to say, her husband is pretty nice. It's just too bad she's a bit of a control freak.
I also ran into her pianist friend Ms. K, who used to play for me at HWC and she happened to accompany our "Carmina Burana" concert. I just said hello and that's it! Never mentioned her to her at all. Why would I? I only mentioned the incident to a very select few and I'm assuming I'm just the talk of the community to watch out for...whatever. I meant no harm. All I wanted to do was talk to a friend and I thought she was someone I could turn to...obviously not.
I just can't believe someone would say that... it's just something that urks me because this shutting me out from her was really hurtful to me. Someone who you knew for three years just completely treats you like a stranger. It was the most painful thing to me at the time. And while I have moved on from it, I sometimes still talk about it. So this is why I started this blog... perhaps I should make it private but let people read my thoughts. I don't care. They are healthy, relieving thoughts about how I feel.
I know she has a kid that needs a lot of attention now. I get that, I'm not stupid. I'm not ignorant to life issues when our lives move on. But it's just the way she treated me at the end; like I was someone she didn't even know anymore. And that is what I can't get over. The stabbing in the back from her. I always question why...but maybe God wanted me to see her true colors. The "two face" that I didn't see, that I have been told by other people. Yes I know this is gossip...but two people from "Don Giovanni" told me she was difficult to work with from ACO; and at the time I shrugged it off because we were friends and I didn't think Kimmel could be mean to people. But God showed me her flaw. I guess I put her on a pedestal and looked up to her so much, God wanted me to see her human flaw; her sin. We are not perfect beings. We are not to trust in mankind, but God alone. I put my trust in her too much; as far as my music education came into play anyway. And after this incident I sort of stopped warming up to people. I tend to keep my distance now. Although I am realizing not everyone will treat me like this, and within professional boundaries I can still remain friends with my professors. I mean there always were professional boundaries between me and her, but she always used to say I can reach her anytime. I honestly didn't message her that much when I was at Luther. She over exaggerated and made it seem like I sent her nasty awful emails. I guess it's hard to know someone's emotional intentions through an email. Even so, I thought she knew me and trusted me after three years of her mentor-ship, teaching, and friendship. This is why I question why? Why did she treat me this way? I did nothing to deserve such treatment from her.
